POOP

[Hightower GT]

_._._._._.

[winty87]

Feces

[Über Evil Mushu!]

****!

[1314]

Shoot.

[Über Evil Mushu!]

Is it Kaka or Caca?

[Ray]

landmine

[cuda06]

ESCAPEE:
This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing
a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.
JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This
Is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen,
Do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.

[1314]

A burp is just a breath of air that passes by the heart.
But when it takes a downward path, it comes out as a fart.


:shrug:

[Ray]

A fart is nothing more than the lonely cries of an imprisoned turd.

[Jaybird]

Thanks for the good laugh.....you Southerners are a gas.......lol

[csvtjohnga]

pooping is like flyin the space shuttle. its one hell of an experience no matter what

i just flew the space shuttle

[blu_fuz]

Here I sit all broken hearted.... thought I'd :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: but only farted

[1314]

Shart.

[csvt2200]

Shart.

YES!!! SHART!!! FTW!!! :laugh:

[cnewton44]

OMG!!! I almost peed in my bed laughing so hard at this thread....:laugh: :laugh:

[csvtjohnga]

be glad you didnt poop yo self. i did:laugh: :crazy:

[Hightower GT]

POOP bumper

[cnewton44]

POOP bumper
Pics?:confused::shrug::crazy:

[BigBEN]

Stool!

[cnewton44]

Shiza?:shrug:

[Aaron 98 SE]

pooh!!! :laugh:

This thread is hilarious. :D

[Pen_Two]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v297/EYP0097/Sparta/shartaof0.jpg

[I-Dom-In-VIII]

Crap.....

[funinak]

SKAT!!:laugh:

[cnewton44]

Oh!!..... Sheet:D

[I-Dom-In-VIII]

Mierda

[LUCA]

Dung
Floater

Or, as my friend likes to say to her dogs when she takes them out: "gotta go poo-poo?"

This is hilarious!

[I-Dom-In-VIII]

Defecation (Sp)

[loggerbomb]

What? No dropping the kids off at the pool?!?!

[csvtjohnga]

dropping some people off at the border... this is the PC version of it atleast:shrug:

[cnewton44]

Driske....:laugh::laugh:

[Jaybird]

Corn.....:nonono:

[cnewton44]

Corn.....:nonono:
:confused::shrug:

[Jaybird]

:confused::shrug:
How come when you eat corn, no matter how much you chew it, you poop it out in whole kernals?

http://www.smellypoop.com/images/corn_in_poop.gif

Corn poop is one of the greatest mysteries in life. I grew up pondering the same question. This is what I think is happening:
When we chew corn, the outer coating slips off the inner kernal. This outer yellow coating is almost entirely cellulose, and is indigestible. It passes through the gut untouched, and emerges looking like a whole kernal, although it is mostly just the outer skin. The inside of the kernal is starchy and digestible, and that is the part that we succeed in chewing up. Is there any way to prevent corn from getting in your poop?


I know of only one way - don't eat corn!

[Jaybird]

Last one from me:

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Giving birth to another Texan

:help:

[Hightower GT]

Corn.....:nonono:

-Holio

http://www.emptybottle.org/images/cornholio.jpg

Give me TP!!!

[frenchblueC2]

I like saying I'm dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.

and wtf LUCA, you've never heard someone call it "poo-poo" ???

[ElKy]

I used to ask my dog if he had to go out and drop rocks.
he would drop loads the size of boulders!

[Hightower GT]

Man, this thread sure has some staying power. It's probably because that's what people see on the main page.

Shipoopi!

http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d188/mo_raccoon/shipoopi.jpg

[LUCA]

I like saying I'm dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.

and wtf LUCA, you've never heard someone call it "poo-poo" ???

No, I have. It's just that she always says that so I included her phrase. It's kinda funny when she says it, she has a heavy NY accent. Always makes me laugh.

[1314]

Bob Saget would say:

"F... that Sh..!"

[PacificTourG]

I finally decided to click on this thread after seeing so many replies.

[csvtjohnga]

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y139/csvtjohnga16/untitledpoop.jpg

[Ray]

What about "Going to see a man about a dog"?

I've heard that phrase multiple times in my life...

[loggerbomb]

What about "Going to see a man about a dog"?
I've heard that phrase multiple times in my life...


I usually hear "to see a man about a horse" of course.

[Ray]

I usually hear "to see a man about a horse" of course.


of Course!
...

but....

nobody talks to a horse, of course.

[csvtjohnga]

hell i do.

[kscontourkid]

what happened to taking the browns to the superbowl?

[csvtjohnga]

what happened to the diaherra songs?

[csvtjohnga]

if your cruisin in the tour and you feel something pour... DIAHERRA

[Hightower GT]

what happened to taking the browns to the superbowl?

Awesome.


How about finless brown trout?

[Derk-xB]

Nobody's said deuce yet?

[Ray]

"The Big Kersplowski"

[kscontourkid]

plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is!

[Hightower GT]

Hershey Squirts?

[ZoomZoom Diva]

Excuse me, excuse me, from the bottom of my heart.
If it would have come out the other end it would have been a fart.

http://www.kanemiller.com/covers/0-916291-45-6.d.jpg

[ZoomZoom Diva]

http://www.kawaiinot.com/images/kawaiinot_strip001.gif

[ZoomZoom Diva]

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/a/a1/Hello_kitty_toilet.jpg/220px-Hello_kitty_toilet.jpg

[Jaybird]

Back the big brown caddy out of the garage.....

[Hightower GT]

http://www.doodie.com/

[ElKy]

i am posting this while sitting on the crapper.....

[zorrex]

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f301/SuperRadMJV/Poop-Fairy.jpg

[Hightower GT]

i am posting this whilst sitting on the crapper.....

Fixed for your embarassment

[Keith W]

Don't light a match

[PacificTourG]

Did you all know that Thomas Crapper helped invent the modern toilet?:cool:

[ElKy]

Fixed for your embarassment

thanks..you're a peach...

[kansas 98 csvt]

Hey y'all, do farts have lumps? Oh please, please say yes! You know why Kansas has the yellow brick road... if you saw a twister like that it would scare the pi$$ outta you too! :laugh:

[Hightower GT]

Bring on da' POOP!

[ElKy]

Hey y'all, do farts have lumps? Oh please, please say yes! You know why Kansas has the yellow brick road... if you saw a twister like that it would scare the pi$$ outta you too! :laugh:

funny story about lumpy farts...

i was doing a roof once with a couple of guys when one of them yelled up to me..
Him: "Hey!! Are farts lumpy?"
Me: "Uh..No"
Him: "Then I definitely just sh*t myself!!"

the home owner was standing in a window right in front of him and burst out laughing.
i almost fell off the roof.

[cnewton44]

Thats hilarious...:laugh: :laugh:

[kansas 98 csvt]

Have you ever been here ?

http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee286/rockinghpaints/image007.jpg

:help:

http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee286/rockinghpaints/image020.jpg

:laugh:

[cnewton44]

http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee286/rockinghpaints/image020.jpg

:laugh:
LOL...:laugh:

[Trapps]

i am posting this while sitting on the crapper.....


You forgot the 'h'.

[Jaybird]

Eight pages of this sit....

[Hightower GT]

Yippee!!!

[cnewton44]

Im only on page two....:shrug:

HOLY ****!!!!!!!

Edit: The holy **** was for those that play counter strike source. Anybody here?

[Hightower GT]

It looks like this is a floater since it keeps rising to the top.

[TexasRealtor]

http://shipaturd.tripod.com/

[cnewton44]

http://shipaturd.tripod.com/
OMG!! That is absolutely hilarious..I know a few people who deserve that...:laugh:

[Ray]

http://shipaturd.tripod.com/



Holy crap

[Hightower GT]

BACKAPTAP4DAPOOPZ!

[frenchblueC2]

SCHEISSE!
"okey dokey"
http://images.wikia.com/scratchpad/images/thumb/4/4d/Liane_Cartman.jpg/166px-Liane_Cartman.jpg

[csvt2200]

YOU'RE POOP!!!

[zorrex]

I pooped a really gross poop today. It was really dry and really REALLY dark colored :shrug:

[Hightower GT]

I pooped a really gross poop today. It was really dry and really REALLY dark colored :shrug:

Blood. You got some colon cancer or something.

[frenchblueC2]

he likes to eat his red meat rare

[zorrex]

I didn't poop yesterday, and it makes me sad...

[Über Evil Mushu!]

I didn't poop yesterday, and it makes me sad...

I guess you didn't give a ****.

[kansas 98 csvt]

My daughter, son-in-law, grandson (who recently turned 2), granddaughter (who is 10 months old), and I were in a Walmart super center the other day near the food and baby food side shopping. My daughter had to use the bathroom so we were waiting for her. While we were waiting my grandson started yelling for Mommy. When we told him that she was going the bathroom he started saying, "mommy poop, mommy poopin" over and over. As my son-in-law was trying to quiet down my grandson, he just started getting louder and louder! Then my grandson started to add "Oh God, mommy stinky, mommy poop!" Everybody around us started laughing and snickering while my son-in-law turned bright red. :shrug:

[frenchblueC2]

haha that's great.
That reminds me of my cousin-in-law. They had the nurse over to see how he's developing. She mentioned that he is at the age where he should be saying 2 word phrases, so she asked them if he's doing that yet.
So they had him show her his only 2 word phrase that he learned so far (with much embarassment) "daddy pooped!"
It was hilarious how he said it too. He'd say daddy, then let his eyes get big and say pooOOOOOPED! with his voice raised toward the end.

[csvtjohnga]

snuchie buchies

[kansas 98 csvt]

Southern humor is just like greasy cheeks... once it starts slippin' there's no stopping it!:crazy:

[Hightower GT]

Top Shelf, anyone?

[Hightower GT]

Top Shelf, anyone?

Cleavland Steamer?

[Hightower GT]

Top Shelf, anyone?
Cleavland Steamer?

Cincinnati Hot Plate?

[OutlawdSVT]

Chocolate Fingers?

[cnewton44]

Chocolate Fingers?
:help::help::help::help: TMI!!!!

[Jaybird]

:help::help::help::help: TMI!!!!

Two More Inches......:eek:

[cnewton44]

Two More Inches......:eek:
Your one sick person.....

:laugh::laugh:

[allstyle12]

Brown 25:

http://www.joecartoon.com/videos/581-brown_25

[Hightower GT]

100th reply POOP!

[kansas 98 csvt]

Don't Fart in Bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran in to the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, 'Honey, you were right.'

'All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.'

'What do you mean?' asked his wife.

'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.':confused:

[Jaybird]

http://www.addictinggames.com/supermonkeypoopflinging.html

[cnewton44]

:shrug: Im taking a shiza while posting this:laugh::laugh:

Dang thanksgiving day dinner is not agreeing so well. Oh sorry. Probably more than you wanted to know.:laugh:

[Jaybird]

:shrug: Im taking a shiza while posting this:laugh::laugh:

:laugh:

I call B.S.

[cnewton44]

I call B.S.
http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa66/cnewton44/bs_flag.gif

You want pictures from it? :laugh:

[Black 98 CSVT]

:shrug: Im taking a shiza while posting this:laugh::laugh:


hahahahahahaha!!

[cnewton44]

hahahahahahaha!!
WHAT??:shrug::shrug::cry::laugh:

[ZoomZoom Diva]

It looks like this is a floater since it keeps rising to the top.

Means the thread is getting enough fiber...

[1314]

http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/legionxs/fart.gif

http://smilies.vidahost.com/otn/other/pacscat.gif

[ZoomZoom Diva]

http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/legionxs/fart.gif

http://smilies.vidahost.com/otn/other/pacscat.gif

I have NEVER seen a smiley into scat before!

[68fordman]

TAKING THE BROWNS TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!



thats the only way they'll make it

[IRingTwyce]

I can't let this die:

Turtle head pokin'!

[Hightower GT]

This place needs MOAR POOPZ

[Jaybird]

http://www.break.com/index/the-poop-tube.html

[Hightower GT]

http://knox.villagesoup.com/rewrite/108448.htm

[csvtjohnga]

STICKY

[yamaha racer 686]

:censored::censored::censored::censored:tin kittens

[1314]

More POOP talk, for those with access.

http://www.contour.org/ceg-vb/showthread.php?t=26294

[Aaron 98 SE]

for those with access.


Boooo...

http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa66/cnewton44/bs_flag.gif


:laugh:

[contourspd98]

I dont think this has been up yet:

the mighty TURD...

Prairie Doggin' it

[68fordman]

you got a turtle head?

[Zetec99]

Touching cloth


Ground Hogging



How about the good ol fashined Taking a dump

[Aaron 98 SE]

Don't think anyone mentioned this one yet...

Dropping a log :D

[cnewton44]

Pinching a loaf?:shrug:

[Hydramatic]

That's liquified sin coming from your rear...

[frenchblueC2]

That's liquified sin coming from your rear...

this one makes me LMAO everytime

[cobrawannabe]

Droppin a deuce
^^A classic

launching missiles

losing some weight

[Trapps]

Bloomin' mud flower

[contourSVT99]

dropping the kids off at the pool...my favorite. Make sure you bring towels!;)

[cobrawannabe]

Bloomin' mud flower


That's great!

[contourspd98]

Pissin' out your @$$!!! (diarrhea for those that don't know)

[Hightower GT]

Colostomy bag

[SVTcontourSVT]

pinching a loaf

[keithr]

Laying Cable! :shrug:

[PeppermintPatty]

con·sti·pa·tion kon-stuh-pey-shuhhttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.pngn
–noun

1.taking the kids to the pool, but they won't get out of the car.


Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

[Hightower GT]

A turd happened.

[frenchblueC2]

Man, I hate when it smells like what you ate earlier.
I'd rather it just stink foul than remind me of eating, know what I mean?

[zorrex]

Man, I hate when it smells like what you ate earlier.
I'd rather it just stink foul than remind me of eating, know what I mean?

Wait...did you already poop out your breakfast? :shocked:
:laugh:

[frenchblueC2]

nah, at that point in time, I was poo'ing out dinner from the night before.
I'm always a meal behind with my poo schedule.
I think the weight of the subsequent meal helps encourage the previous meal to exit.

[cobrawannabe]

I took a nice poop today. Nice and smooth, and now I feel a bit lighter. I love a good, refreshing poop, eh?

[ElKy]

i dropped a dos the other day that was so large i was cold after.
i must have lost 3 pounds!

[Jaybird]

I can poop, wipe, and flush in less than 11 seconds.

Turbo poop

[cobrawannabe]

I can poop, wipe, and flush in less than 11 seconds.

Turbo poop

:laugh:
Kinda like a run-by pooping?

[IRingTwyce]

:laugh:
Kinda like a run-by pooping?
Who flung poo?

[Silver Bullet]

Dayuum!! This POOP thread has been alive for 15 months

Kinda like "Seinfield" TV show, the thread about nothing.

Me less time pooping = more time driving
or more gas in the tank not more gas out the arse

and when I lived in Thailand parents would let their toddler take a squat and dump anywhere outdoors in the village. Then when they finished just cover it with dirt same we do here for dogs.:eek: hahaha

now that I have contributed to this thread I can't criticise the longevity of it anymore

[Ray]

I saw the same "approach" in China all over. Kids walked around (or carried, if young) in little onesies with no ass on them. Just a big hole in the back and crotch. When the kid went, he just went.

Side of the street, yard, alley.. whatever.

A different lifestyle but I won't criticize it.. its theirs, not mine.

[Silver Bullet]

I saw the same "approach" in China all over. Kids walked around (or carried, if young) in little onesies with no ass on them. Just a big hole in the back and crotch. When the kid went, he just went.

Side of the street, yard, alley.. whatever.

A different lifestyle but I won't criticize it.. its theirs, not mine.


Yup I wasn't critizing either just informing. Actually think of all the landfills here filled with diapers and sewer systems with toilet paper. There the dogs usually dug it up later and ate it. Hows that for recycling! And they never use toilet paper either, just a water hose spray alongside the squater for clean up. And I mean squater also, no sit down toilets with seats. An open porcelain bowl about 4 inches off the ground. You straddle the bowl and squat down as close to it as you can to prevent splash back. haha

For this threads POOP topic once you eventually get used to cleaning with water every time after it feels un-hygienic to use toilet paper again. Cannot get 100% clean with paper only.

[IRingTwyce]

How about a nice loofa to go along with that water? :laugh: Scrub that :censored::censored::censored::censored: clean!

[Ray]

And I mean squater also, no sit down toilets with seats. An open porcelain bowl about 4 inches off the ground. You straddle the bowl and squat down as close to it as you can to prevent splash back.

Like this?


http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/5871/p4110471re0.jpg
This is typical of many Asian and European cultures.. This was taken in Xin-Xiang China (south-southwest of Beijing about 300km) about 3.5 hours by bullet-train.

[Silver Bullet]

Like this?

This is typical of many Asian and European cultures.. This was taken in Xin-Xiang China (south-southwest of Beijing about 300km) about 3.5 hours by bullet-train.


Yep, for the bowl exactly. But that has modern flush valve plumbing. I'm used to only a regular water spigot for filling a small plastic bucket and then dumping water from bucket into bowl to manually flush.

[Ray]

Well, this was taken inside the best hotel they had to offer, so....

you would EXPECT certain amenities like this to be provided..

[Aaron 98 SE]

Well, this was taken inside the best hotel they had to offer

Wow, that sucks...

[kscontourkid]

anyone ever bridge the gap?

[Ray]

I win...

(http://triggur.org/robodump/)/thread

[alien_yet_familiar]

You ever hear someone fart and think to yourself:

Oooooh, that's gonna itch when it dries.

[crewchiefpro]

Proper
Object
Oriented
Programming


At least in my world that is what it means.

[cobrawannabe]

You ever hear someone fart and think to yourself:

Oooooh, that's gonna itch when it dries.
Epic post.

[frenchblueC2]

google "ryan's steakhouse story" if you're up for a good poop story.
It's an oldie but a goodie.

[CRGkart44]

of you want some funny stories...

tuckermax.com go there